Curveballs

Sometimes life throws you a curveball. Well, it has me anyway.

Many of you will know that I recently had a short stay in hospital. Nothing serious, but I'm still not great and I'm off my work. But I started struggling a fair way back in November, when I began to feel abnormally tired. I went to fabulous book events, but often didn't have the energy to write about them, even though I really wanted to - which reminds me, I must at least collate my photos together and post those up. The fatigue got worse, and I was working, eating and sleeping, but nothing much else. I work with visually and hearing impaired people, in a job I absolutely love, and need to be very alert and aware. A month or so ago, I realised I was too tired to even do that effectively, hence my current enforced time off. One or two other symptoms appeared which led to my brief time in hospital.

Not much has changed. I still have the same symptoms and feel pretty rubbish. What has changed is that, after a slew of tests, I know there is nothing wrong with me. Physically. It would seem that, and I only know this because I have sought help, my brain and body are saying something along the lines of  'OK, enough is enough. You need to stop, relax and you need to make some changes to move forward.'

This has come as a huge shock and, if I'm honest, a bit of a kick in the teeth. I've had an up and down few years, with a few mental health issues and a fair degree of stress, but I worked really hard last year, and had got to a point where I felt better mentally and emotionally than I had for a long, long time. And then this.

Those of you who suffer from migraines know that they often occur when you allow yourself to relax a little. Apparently, something similar has happened to my body, which is where I am now. My GP described it as hitting a reset button, and I need to take a look at my life to see if there is anything I can do to make sure I don't end up here again. During other treatment I'm having, I was described as 'heart sore'. I need to learn to relax properly. To put myself first sometimes. Hell, I even need to learn to breathe properly.

Is there a reason I'm telling you all of this? I don't know, really. I'm writing this (but will be posting it later) on a train down to visit my folks for a week of R&R, because you're never too old to be spoiled by your parents (for those of us lucky enough to still have them). I'm going to rest and relax as best as I can. And think.

One change that will be happening is that I'll be doing less blog tours going forward. I won't be reading any less (heavens forbid), and I'll still be blogging regularly - you don't get rid of me that easily - but I'll be doing more for pleasure. Now please don't get me wrong - I love taking part in blog tours. I've discovered lots of wonderful new authors and books. But I tend to say yes to far too many and put myself under pressure, and end up reading to deadlines, which makes it more of a chore. So I will be meeting all my existing tour commitments, and then taking on less.

This piece is also for everyone who might be in a somewhat similar situation to me. Stressed, anxious, trying to fit everything in. Know that it's OK to say no, to stop, to rest, to take time for yourself. And do it now - don't wait until it affects you physically.

That's all for now. Thanks so much for all your support - your comments, your likes, shares and retweets. You're all fabulous.