If Only I Could Tell You by Hannah Beckerman

A wee change for me today as I take part in the blog tour for this wonderful book. From another author who is new to me, this book had me both cheering and crying.  Many thanks to Tracy Fenton for inviting me, and to Orion for my review copy which I received through Netgalley.

The Blurb:

Audrey's family has fallen apart. Her two grown-up daughters, Jess and Lily, are estranged, and her two teenage granddaughters have never been allowed to meet. A secret that echoes back thirty years has splintered the family in two, but is also the one thing keeping them connected.

As tensions reach breaking point, the irrevocable choice that one of them made all those years ago is about to surface. After years of secrets and silence, how can one broken family find their way back to each other?

If Only I Could Tell You was published by Orion on 21st February 2019. You can buy it from Waterstones and Amazon.

My Review:

Oh my! I defy anyone not to cry at least once reading this!

I read this from beginning to end in one sitting, staying up way, way too late! It's ages since I've done that!

The story centres around five strong women across three generations of the same family. Audrey's health is failing, and she is desperate to mend the rift between her daughters Jess and Lily. But it's been going on for nearly thirty years and she doesn't know what caused it. Jess just stopped talking to her sister one day when she was ten years old. Audrey's two granddaughters, born just weeks apart, have never been allowed to meet. Audrey is determined to change all of that, she just doesn't know how yet. And she has her own battles to fight too.

Audrey is an immensely likeable character - I cared about her immediately. There were times when I cried for her, times when I cheered for her and one moment when I nearly burst with pride. You'll know the moment I mean if you read it.

Jess and Lily are initially less easy to warm to - Jess particularly. But this has a lot to do with her feelings about her sister, which make her seem hard and closed off. And it takes time for us to get to know her better. The back story is teased out, bit by bit throughout the book, and it's a long time before we learn the full story. But that didn't put me off, quite the contrary - it made me want to keep going to find out more.

This is a very different read from my usual fare of grisly crime thrillers, but I loved it. It's an exquisitely written book. The feelings of all the women involved, but particularly Audrey and Jess, are beautifully described. Similarly, the awkwardness of unplanned meetings is perfectly written. I loved that it features five strong women - there are men in the story, but it's the women who are centre stage here. The ending nearly broke me, but it was the right ending.

Just a note to say that there are some difficult issues realistically described and discussed here which might be hard for some people to read.

The Author:

Hannah Beckerman is an author, journalist and broadcaster. She is a regular contributor to The Observer, The FT Weekend Magazine, and The Sunday Express, and was the book critic on Sara Cox's Radio 2 Show. She chairs literary events around the UK and has been a judge on numerous book prizes including the Costa Book Awards.

Prior to becoming a full-time writer, Hannah was a TV Executive who spent fifteen years producing and commissioning documentaries about the Arts, History and Science for the BBC, Channel 4 and Discovery USA before turning her hand to writing.

Hannah lives in London with her husband and their daughter.