Extending my little break from crime fiction, I had the opportunity to read my first memoir in a long while. This one stood out for me because it gives an insider view of an industry that attracts much negativity. Big thanks to Anne Cater for inviting me on the tour and to the author for my review copy.
The Blurb
In the recession-scarred landscape of 1990s New York City, a young writer and dancer faces a brutal economic reality: no one will hire her, not even to bus tables. When she impulsively takes a job as a topless dancer, Stoehr begins a nine-year journey through the misunderstood world of sex work, a journey that runs parallel to her struggles for artistic recognition and personal autonomy.
From the neon-lit stages of New York City to the debauched clubs of San Francisco, Stoehr chronicles the dualities of creating art while being objectified and of finding camaraderie among fellow dancers while enduring an increasingly abusive marriage. With unflinching honesty, she dismantles the stereotypes and stigma surrounding sex workers, revealing the humanity, resilience, and sisterhood that flourishes behind the curtain of societal judgment.
This memoir covers a period of about ten years, I think, when the author was a young woman, a trained dancer and already a published author, working on her second book when this one begins. She and her boyfriend, Frank, a photographer, are trying to establish a life together, but soon discover that pursuing their artistic dreams does not make it easy to pay bills. Even with Frank taking a day job and Shelley doing some dance teaching, there is still not enough. So Shelley begins to explore other options.
Whilst topless dancing might not have been the author's ideal job, she settles into it. She becomes comfortable with exposing her skin and the job at least means she gets to dance, albeit in a different way from how she is used to, and she can earn more money doing that for a few shifts than she does teaching. Whilst Shelley is comfortable with it quite quickly, the same cannot be said for Frank. He already belittles Shelley, and this becomes worse, but, as for so many women, Shelley believes it to be her fault, that it's what she deserves.
Over time, Shelley moves on to full strip dances, and some private and lap dances. She forms friendships with the other girls at all the clubs she works at, many of them close ones. That's one of the biggest things that stood out for me - the camaraderie and support amongst the dancers (in the main), and oftentimes, the fun they had. They weren't ashamed of what they did to make money, they owned it, but only to a degree, as many of them, the author, included, hid what they did from their families and other people in their regular lives. Another thing that stood out to me was it was the emotional cost of the work that was more wearing than the physical one, although that was heavy too. But listening to men unburden themselves, and performing an emotional role for them took its toll. And for Shelley it was coupled with a worsening situation at home with Frank, now her husband, leading to alcohol abuse, obsession and panic attacks.
Over time, Shelley moves on to full strip dances, and some private and lap dances. She forms friendships with the other girls at all the clubs she works at, many of them close ones. That's one of the biggest things that stood out for me - the camaraderie and support amongst the dancers (in the main), and oftentimes, the fun they had. They weren't ashamed of what they did to make money, they owned it, but only to a degree, as many of them, the author, included, hid what they did from their families and other people in their regular lives. Another thing that stood out to me was it was the emotional cost of the work that was more wearing than the physical one, although that was heavy too. But listening to men unburden themselves, and performing an emotional role for them took its toll. And for Shelley it was coupled with a worsening situation at home with Frank, now her husband, leading to alcohol abuse, obsession and panic attacks.
Girls Girls Girls: One Woman's Experience as a Sex Worker in the 1990s is exactly that - one woman's lived experience. And not all women in the sex industry then or now will have been through the same things. What struck me about Shelley's story was, as previously mentioned, the friendships and camaraderie between the dancers, but also that for Shelley herself, the clubs essentially became her safe spaces, away from the troubles of home. And she was a real grafter. The stripping was only ever a means to an end, to enable her to do what she really wanted to do, and she never have up. Her strength and perseverance are to be admired.
The Author
Shelley Stoehr is a prize-winning author, with awards from the De Groot Foundation, ALA, New York Public Library, North American Review, and more. She is the author of Crosses (1991)—the first YA novel about self-injury, published in five languages by Bantam Doubleday Dell (now Penguin Random House). Her website is www.shelleystoehrauthor.com where you can find a free reader’s guide and discussion questions for this book.
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