Bad Mommy Stay Mommy by Elisabeth Horan

Something different on the blog today. I love poetry but don't get chance to read nearly enough. So I was delighted to be invited to join the blog tour for this collection from Elisabeth Horan, which deals with postpartum depression. My thanks to Anne Cater at Random Things Tours for the invitation and to the publisher for my review copy.

The Blurb:

Elisabeth Horan was in the grip of postpartum depression after the birth of her second son, 'red and writhing a salamander underfoot'. In this collection, Elisabeth finds the courage to survive. Uplifting, guttural: Horan leaves her reader roaring for more.

Bad Mommy Stay Mommy is published tomorrow by Fly on The Wall Poetry and you can pre order it from Amazon both in the UK and the US.


My Review:

Poetry is such a personal thing, for both the writer and the reader. And this is some of the most personal, honest poetry I've had the privilege to read.

There was lots in this collection that spoke to me. I am a mother, also of two boys, and whilst I was fortunate enough not to suffer from postnatal depression at any point, I do have experience of depression, and know how debilitating it can be.

This is a short collection, just 51 pages long, but powerful nonetheless. Most of the poems are presented in a more traditional format, but some are written as paragraphs, like a stream of consciousness. All of them come from the heart.

In the poems we read of the pain of the author as she struggled following the birth of her second son. The writing is incredibly raw and honest. Some of it is hard to read, as Ms Horan berates herself for her behaviour. In fact, she is very hard on herself, when clearly she was ill. There is a poem in the collection which opens with

I hate Elisabeth Horan. She is a weak, sad woman. She is so bad, she tells at her kids. She ate her own heart.

and continues to list, in the third person, all the things the author feels are wrong with her. But I think this is something that will connect with so many people, with or without depression. We are so often harsh on ourselves, in a way we would never be with anyone else. We need to show ourselves the same kindness we show to others.

Early on, in 'A Son Is Born, The Second', Horan talks about her elder son losing his mother:

I alone know the secret; the date of the day he lost me -
and I'll tell you since I trust you:

It was the day my second was borne
came out shrieking - ghouls after me, the sinner;

A lion roaring in the night - 
a mauled honey badger. 

Some of the imagery in 'Godammit! Just Hurl That Sink Already' is very powerful:

Who am I? lashing out -
my tongue a leather whip
leaving verbal welts
on the back of someone so small - ...

But the poem that spoke the loudest to the me was 'Keeping Tabs', because I could really relate to parts of it:

Here I go again
down the goddamn rabbit hole
chasing the oily smell
of my pastas only I can do -

It's so dirty
it's such a waste of time
this hating myself -

But I go back anyway
I can't stay away
like a lover who promised me forever. 

But through the pain of depression we see hope, and the last few poems are much more positive as Horan sees light at the end of the tunnel and begins to recover. The final piece, 'Stay Mommy', is beautiful.

Not every poem worked for me, but that's fine. I appreciated them all and many touched me. This is powerful, personal and incredibly honest collection of work, and I admire the author for putting her feelings out there. It should be required reading for any woman who has struggled with postpartum depression, to know that she is not alone, and for mental health professionals to see the view from the other side. But it's valuable reading for all of us, women and men, for an insight into the pain depression, particularly postnatal, can cause.


The Author:

Elisabeth Horan is an imperfect creature advocating for animals, children and those suffering alone and in pain - especially those ostracised by disability and mental illness. Elisabeth is honoured to serve as Poetry Editor at Anti-Heroin Chic Magazine, and is Co-Owner of Animal Heart Press. She recently earned her MFA from Lindenwood University and received a 2018 Best of the Net Nomination from Midnight Lane Boutique, and a 2018 Pushcart Prize Nomination from Cease Cows.

Elisabeth lives in rural Vermont with her husband and two young sons. When not being a poet, she works as a secretary and loves riding horses & dancing the salsa.

You can follow her on Twitter @ehoranpoet or visit her website here.